The Five Best(Worst) Whiny Bitchass Drake Songs You’ve Ever Heard

We blame the proliferation of single mother households. This has to be the reason why Drake makes soft music and the masses nod their head to it as they light lavender candles and sway along to the melody. There has to be the best of the worst… and here it is.

It’s easy to hate on Drake. On one hand you got an extremely talented dude who makes great music and is living the life, which is more than enough for this culture of hate to vilify dude and make him the butt of every goof. On the other hand, Drake is as manly as the tissue paper that comes with a Tiffany’s charm bracelet on a teenager’s Sweet Sixteen birthday party. Throughout history, soft dudes are always victims and victimized. And the sidebar to this Drake hate is that he’s lighter than a paper bag. These days, hating on lighter than paper bag ninjas is the vogue thing to do (this is a cyclical pattern. Lighter-than-paper-bag ninjas will be back in vogue soon only to be hated on a year later.). After the #StarbucksDrakeHands fiasco, it’s impossible to listen to “Hold On, We’re Coming Home” without shaking your head in disgust. We now have visuals to match the kitten-heeled lyrics and melody. Starbucks guy unknowingly created the perfect music video for the emo anthem of the year. It got us thinking, out of Drake’s considerable catalog, what are his most Drake songs. Drake songs are defined as a song only a really talented guy who is soft as bubble gum and happens to be lighter-than-a-paper-bag could  make. (The funny thing – when Drake makes “hard” records, they are almost as comical since no one believes he is a tough guy.)

Find Your Love

http://youtu.be/Xyv4Bjja8yc This song is soft as tissue / Hey Hey Hey… / Drake has daddy issues / Hey Hey Hey…

Hold On, We're Coming Home

http://youtu.be/GxgqpCdOKak Light a candle for this one. A lavender one.

Take Care (Ft. Rihanna)

http://youtu.be/-zzP29emgpg You won’t ever have to worry about a man with some pride playing this record.

Marvin's Room

http://youtu.be/nwyjxsOYnys Behavior like this belongs on the Sad Girls Club. Or the Bachelorette.

Damn near every song on Nothing Was The Same

Drake_Nothing-Was-The-Same_Album-CoverAny album that every woman you know universally loves has to be extra estrogen. The exceptions being: “The Language” and “Pound Cake.” “Started From The Bottom is a bitchass song, quiet is kept.

Did we miss any moistness? Agree? Disagree? Care to share? Feel free to drop us a line in the COMMENTS below.

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