The Courting Court Jester

The Courtship of Foolishness

Courting-Court-Jester

Everybody Plays The Fool…

Enough with the love quotes. We get it. There are simply too many quotes about love out in the universe. They are justified, as love is a beautifully complex human constrict, but enough with the quotes and tweets and Facebook posts and picturegrams on Instagram. The reality is that there are not enough quotes about the courting process. Courting. In 2015, it seems an archaic construct. The courting process sucks. It sucks really, really bad. As painful as beautiful love can be, courting is an exercise where there is quite often no gain, just pain.

If you haven’t ascertained that I am in the midst of courting an object of my attention and affection, you are either blindly in love or incredibly stupid. And if you can’t tell that I’m bitter as fuck, you’ve probably been the courtee, and not the courter. Being the courtee is fun and easy breezy. Being the courter makes your write blog posts about how the courting process sucks.

Clan of the Cave Bear

Unga-Bunga!

For those who won over the fancy of their eye with double-tapping every IG post they ever make, or have a set of go-to emojis to comment on whatever social media platform you happen to be cyber-stalking someone on, courting is the process of a stacked, layered process of letting someone know you fancy them, you are interested in them, and you want to explore the possibilities of establishing a definitive relationship with them. It can be time-consuming. It can be expensive. It is often frustrating. It is always foolish since you either feel like a fool, look the fool, or both.

I’m a traditionalist. I strongly feel that we as people have lost sight of the fundamentals of relationships that have existed since the beginning of time. In my heart, I wish we could go back to the days when a guy set his sights on a woman, clubbed her over her head with his Captain Caveman club, dragged her by her hair and made her his. Life was so simple in those Clan of The Cave Bear and Quest For Fire days. Now? Shit. Now, the number of hoops you have to dive through and hurdles you have to hurdle has made trying to start a relationship with a female an Olympic sport. And here’s the rub, you either win or you lose. That’s it. Win or lose. And here’s the bigger rub, you really don’t know what you’re winning. You’re getting what you hope for, but that’s not guarantee. The courtship is just that, it gets you into the court with her. What proceeds and how that proceeds is completely up in the air. So why do we do it? Why do we go through it? What’s the point?

I wish we could go back to the days when a guy set his sights on a woman, clubbed her over her head with his Captain Caveman club, dragged her by her hair and made her his.

Anytime the word ‘court’ is involved, it is rarely a pleasant process. Lawyers make a living keeping people out of court and getting people into court. On the human interest side, court means dumb dumbs like me spend hours plotting the greatest token of our affection, as card companies, florists, chocolatiers, and high-end stores rubbing their hands together, smiling, knowing that whether the courter wins or loses, they win. The courtee also wins since he/she is getting a ton of option, gifts, and social media love. And what do you get? Good question. If I told you, who’s the bigger fool, you or me?

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