15 Ways Not To Be Creepy On Instagram
Don’t Live The Creep Life
I have to keep this as simple as possible because the target audience for this message may not be operating on a level most normal human beings operate on, their neurons may not fire at the average rate of the average folk, so it’s vital I be clear. There is nothing good about being creepy. Guys and girls unilaterally agree that creepy in any form or fashion is not ideal. It’s just bad. Awful. Because you may be creepy in real life does not mean you have to be creepy on Instagram. But be clear, you may not be creepy in real life, but once you jump on the ‘Gram, you’re living the #creeplife and simply may not know it (some of you weirdos know you’re being creepy and enjoy it – but that conversation is to be had with a professional and not on this website). Either way, we’re going to help you stop getting ignored, blocked, and possibly reported on Instagram and more importantly, weirding people the fuck out.
Avoid These 15 Things On Instagram:
- Switch it up. Don’t just follow only hot, scantily-clad women. You look like a thirsty perv that has no friends in real life and social media is your means to healthy relationships with women, and that is the type of individual no one wants to associate with, especially the women you are so ravenous to get with.
- Take it easy; don’t like every single photo of a specific girl. Don’t like every single photo of every girl in your timeline. Don’t comment on every single photo of a specific girl. Don’t comment on every single photo of every girl in your timeline. If you’re that guy who does shit like this, you need to put the phone down, go outside, and get some semblance of a life. You’re not a super fan, you’re a super freak (no disrespect to the original super freak, Rick James).
- Stop asking for a follow back from women. Don’t. Just stop it. It’s sad. It’s pathetic. She will laugh at you. Everyone who sees the comment will laugh at you. Your own family doesn’t follow you, so why would she? And they’ll laugh at you too.
- Quit adding hashtags to women’s photos. Understand, most of these chicks use enough hashtags as it is, they don’t need you to add #RackCity, #Thick, or #GoodGood to their IG of their cleavage, ass shot, or celfie.
- Do not @mention other people to view her picture. All that shows is that you have one friend who shares your creepy ways and the only thing worse than one creepy guy is a creepy guy whose only friend is another creepy guy.
- Refrain from engaging in IG conversations with other dudes on her timeline. This shows a complete, utter lack of awareness, and it proves the only interaction you have with women outside of Instagram is with that girl you met in the 6th grade who lives in Canada.
- Don’t offer to come over and help her with anything. She’ll post something, anything and you see it as a window of opportunity to inject yourself into her life and remind her that you’re there for her. What’s worse is when you fall for the obvious #thirsttrap posting and offer to do something cringe-worthy, like offer to help her with those pesky bra straps.
- If she has a big rack, do not simply type “Boobs.” If she has a big butt, do not simply type “Ass.” The number of things wrong with these types of responses is too long for this post. I’m struggling with the thought do I have to include writing anything about posting any sort of commentary about having sex with her. Really. Do I have to say you shouldn’t say “I’d hit that” or any variation off of this. Do I have to? Do I? Nah… these guys can’t be that thirsty and dumb.
- Don’t be the guy who reads every comment on her picture and then starts replying to commentors with your Superman cape on. No one likes a caped crusader, not even the girl you’re caping for.
- Don’t like and leave a comment within two seconds of the girl posting. It comes off like you’re stalking her ‘Gram. You don’t win any social media awards for being first to like or comment. You actually have officially lost at life if you post that you are the first like or first comment. It’s in the Constitution. I swear.
- Don’t repost her photos on your timeline. It comes off like a digital memorial/shrine and only crazy people have memorials/shrines for people dead or alive, but mostly alive.
- Don’t make requests. Instagram isn’t a jukebox. You aren’t an art director. Asking her to do or wear something is the epitome of thirst. What makes you think your opinion out of the thousands of her followers means anything? Anything.
- Stop asking for some damn birthday shout-outs. Fuck yo birthday! Fuck yo shout-out! Get your real friends to shout you out on your birthday, if you have any.
- Never say something along the lines of “I’m your #1/biggest/favorite fan.” Whenever anyone over the age of thirteen years old reads those sentences, they immediately throw up in their mouths.
- Unless you are a real photographer with your timeline filled with photos you’ve shot, don’t ask when are you going to shoot her. You are a Guy With A Camera, and Guys With Cameras always end up holding women hostage as they creepily take really bad pictures of them and retouch them awfully by completely abusing Adobe Photoshop in all the ways it shouldn’t be used.
Don’t let your feelings get hurt. It’s okay. The trap these women on Instagram set are strong and the thirst is real. We can understand your parched ways, but we cannot condone them.
If you know some creepy dudes on Instagram, feel free to out them in the COMMENTS below. We care, but don’t care.