Welcome To The Brainiacs Advice Column
There is no one solution for one problem, which means all these individual advice experts are full of shit. So The Super-Id has gathered a panel of life experts from various walks of life to answer any and all of your life’s issues, drama, problems, questions, situations, and fuckeration since we know-it-all. If you have a question, we have answers. The rest is up to you.
We Fight Fuckery.
We are The Brainiacs.
My Side Piece is Cheating On Me
or The Case of the Side Hustler
I’ve been unhappily married for roughly the last 10 years. We’ve separated a couple of times but never quite made it onto Divorce Court. We’re not completely dead, but not really alive either.
Over the years I’ve found comfort in the arms of a variety of willing conquests. I ended up really liking one young lady in particular. Smart, super-duper cool, great in the sack, loves to laugh and have a good time, and she’s gainfully employed.
She wasn’t just a side piece or a quick run-through. I let her know early that I’m married. I also stressed the fact that no disrespect but the only chick in the world who could make me leave my wife was my wife. She assured me she could handle the situation. She was content and happy and she didn’t want to be with anyone else; if anything changed she’d let me know.
After a while of us kicking it and feelings getting involved, she decided that I should meet her daughter. During our meeting I noticed her daughter’s iPhone screen was broken. A few weeks later I came across a mobile phone repair guy. I had him meet me at her house and I paid to have her daughter’s phone fixed. They both seemed extremely grateful. I hung out with my shorty for a few hours before I headed home around 11 PM. This is the night of the “incident.”
The “incident” is her smashing some other dude. We were layed up at her crib. She was knocked out and I was binging True Detective Season 2 on her cell phone. During the course of a particularly boring scene, a suspect text pops up. I’m not normally the guy who goes digging into his girl’s phone to try and catch her out there. Following the trail of breadcrumbs it was real easy to put the pieces together – flirtatious messages back and forth, mutual admiration, real comfortable and friendly, culminating in a late night session the same night I got her daughter’s phone fixed. I was livid. I abruptly got up and told her I was bouncing. She could tell from my tone that there was trouble. She asked me carefully worded questions to assess just how much I knew. The next page in her playbook was deny, deny, deny. Based on the texts, it was obvious that dude had been up in her apartment. She swears that nothing happened there. They supposedly went and got something to eat, then headed over to his place. Bottom line is she smashed dude, and told numerous lies to try and cover it up.
I stopped dealing with her for a while, but we’ve fallen back into old habits. We get along well, but I’m not really the forgiving type. I’ve forgiven her in my mind, but I still feel like it’s just a matter of time before I dead the situation.
So Brainiacs, what say you?
Meet The Brainiacs
The Brainiacs Responses
“ You, my friend, are a hoe. Your side piece is a THOT. If you are able to so adroitly dip out on the wife for so long, do you not know the rules to the game? Don’t catch feelings. You just took a ton of Ls and now you’re caught up in your feelings. I’m disgusted by your fuckery, I refuse to bless you with any sage wisdom, because you deserve whatever is coming to you.
But I wouldn’t be doing my Brainiac duty by leaving you out there. Here is a suggestion: get another side piece. Call her your side dish. So you’ll have a wife, side piece and now a side dish that you cheat on the side piece with. „
Roger F. Bond
While it has been okay for you to juggle two women at the same time and expect one of them to settle in a part time position knowing she has a daughter, you are not really in a position to even expect any form of exclusivity.
Your pipe-laying game might be legendary (in your mind) and think that is more than enough to maintain some interest from her part, but you totally disregarded her emotional needs and simultaneously destroyed her self-esteem and self-worth, but you also are victimizing her daughter. You are putting temp hours, but expect full-time employee benefits.
You’re wack. She’s weak. You have options. She’s working on hers.
You’re catching feelings because you suddenly realized that your dick is not The Holy Grail. You made her an option and while she previously agreed with your terms, she’s giving you a reality check – a dose of your own medicine.
You’re exhibiting symptoms of Bitchassness, while infected with a false sense of grandeur! And your behavior and expectations of loyalty makes a douchebag look like a gentleman compared to you!„
“ So let me understand this… you’re dealing with a woman on the side [Editor’s Note: commonly referred to as a side piece] and stumbled across a relationship or fling that she’s having? Come on man… you are sloppy as you also have to deal with the mess you have at home. Makes me wonder how you would react if you found out your wife was seeing someone on the side, because you’re all caught up in the side piece.
You are not built for this game, because Rule #1 is to mess around with someone who has as much to lose as you do. Rule #2 is keep the relationship discreet, which means no meeting kids. Come on man… I’m getting pissed just writing this – you messing up the game. Now, I don’t get down like that, but if I did I definitely ain’t going to be all caught up and meeting the family. Plus what kind of phone do you have that you got to use your girl’s phone to watch videos? What she does outside of the time she is with you is her business; you think she’s putting her faith in a man that can’t divorce a spouse that he has no connection with?„
I’m done, because no matter what I say you’re taking the simp role, because you’ve accepted your role in the relationship. You ain’t deading nothing, you will have another dead relationship to add to the one you have now. Now go play your role as simp side piece.
Married With Children
As long as you’re married to your wife, you don’t have a lot of room to be upset with her having another smash buddy. You’re married. End of story.
If you want to pursue another relationship and have a seriously committed one, you need to get divorced or at least be in the process of it. Why would she give up other prospects if you have no intention of leaving yours? If you want her to be only banging you, you need to hire a divorce lawyer.
But you also need to ask yourself what you really want in your life. Do you want to be with your wife forever? Regardless of this chick? Doesn’t seem like it. Figure out what you want and what makes you happy. If it’s staying with your wife, cool. Work things out, get counseling and most importantly, get happy with her and your relationship. If it’s not, it’s time to move on. But as long as you’re married, you really have no say in who else your side chick is banging.
Aw, look at this woe-is-me story of the douchebag who wants to territory-piss on everything in his domain. You’re mad cuz your side action is getting side action? Don’t go playing daddy to families you don’t own, homie. You got comfy in the crib like its your own and now you’re mad someone else is up in the kitchen eating up the cookies. You’re laying in the bed watching TV on her phone? This is the type of BS you could be doing at home (the one your wife lives in). If you’re not there to dig her out, why are you even there?
Side pieces are to be smashed. You smash, you keep it moving. You don’t go getting emotionally attached and doing things for the kids like some halfway daddy. No wonder she’s off looking for new dick, her old dick done got too comfortable and now you’re old news.
My advice? Treat her like the girl she was when you first started seeing her. Turn her over the kitchen counter and show her who’s really the boss. Lay it down so well she won’t want another dude up in her face. Make the girl want you so bad when you walk in the house you don’t have time to catch up on the random Netflix shows you’ve been watching. Cut all responsibilities to the house outside of laying her with some cash and getting her some gifts. No ties to kids; that gets messy. Kid needs a new phone? You buy your Chick a phone and she can give her kid her old one. You’re too damn comfortable.
If all else fails, take your ass home to the one you’re attached to until you get a new toy that won’t know better to get attention elsewhere.„
Where do we even begin with you? Are you aware that you are actually asking three different questions here?
It sounds like you have a lot more to figure out besides trying to understand how you are going to move forward with forgiving your side piece/not side piece. Take a long good honest look at yourself first. What is making you unhappy about your marriage? And how is it that the only chick in the world who could make you leave your own wife is your own damn wife? (SMH) Those two things together read “I clearly don’t know what I want in my own life.”
You’re not the same person you were when you got married. You’ve changed just as your marriage has, and it’s very important to reflect on this. Your love for anyone, in this case your wife, is a direct reflection of your own self love. Go on and have a great mind, think of all the great qualities you love about yourself; see where in your life you can fortify these good qualities and do the damn work on yourself.
As for your side piece situation… I mean how can you even pretend to really be upset when you are literally doing the same thing to your own wife. I’m sorry, you can not have your cake and eat it too. A quote by the great Bob Marley says: “The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.” It’s irresponsible of you to create this partnership with someone else. That’s the bottom line.„