Welcome To The Brainiacs Advice Column
There is no one solution for one problem, which means all these individual advice experts are full of shit. So The Super-Id has gathered a panel of life experts from various walks of life to answer any and all of your life’s issues, drama, problems, questions, situations, and fuckeration since we know-it-all. If you have a question, we have answers. The rest is up to you.
We Fight Fuckery.
We are The Brainiacs.
House of Capes
or My Brother Is A Captain and Our House is a House of Capes
I co-own a house with my brother. We split the mortgage 50/50. I take care of electric and water, he takes care of oil and cable/internet. We had a discussion about communicating better to minimize household issues after we had a period of time where things got tense between us.
No less than a month after our airing of grievances, I discover the hard way that my brother has a chick living with him in the full basement. He never mentioned, discussed, or introduced me to her. After two weeks of her here every day, I asked him the deal. She is in between places and is staying here while she looks for a place. Who knows how long that will be? Because more than likely she isn’t paying rent, she has zero incentive to find a place.
The issues I have are numerous and obvious. Security. Respect. Money. Tenant laws. He allowed her to smoke in the house until I complained. A couple of times she left the door unlocked. She has bins of her stuff in the garage. And now she’s getting her mail delivered here. I don’t know this chick and I have no idea of her intentions. I do know that my brother has a tendency to pull out the cape and try to save females. What should I do?
/House of Capes
Meet The Brainiacs
The Brainiacs Responses
Ummm… look, man, you either have a house with respectable borders or you don’t. I’ve been in the reverse situation before, kind of. Someone was crashing at the studio and they were paying me in good sex.
Short answer is everyone has to contribute, unless you’re a pussy, that is, and you wanna keep taking this shit in the butt in your house.
In my particular situation, I kicked the offender out because sex don’t pay the rent or the oil bill… whatever that is…
So, in conclusion:
1.) Live with it (if this is your option, don’t write back with a similar problem in the next few months. If you choose this option, everything that happens afterwards is your fault. )
2.) Kick all the people out that aren’t paying rent.
3.) Get her to pay rent.
Good luck, dude.
P.S. – Seriously, I know you’re going to go for Option #1. I don’t wanna hear about it again.„
House of Capes,
Talk to your bro. Find out if he’s serious about this chick. If she’s getting mail there, it doesn’t sound like she’s going anywhere. So get to know her. Does she have a job? A family? Come to a conclusion on your own if she’s a decent person or not. And if she’s gonna stay there, she has to contribute to your household in some way, shape or form.
Hate to pull the gender card but maybe she’s an awesome cook? Ask her. Find out her deal and talk to your bro. Meanwhile, don’t let little stuff bother you. Just make sure she’s not using you guys for some free rent.„
House of Capes,
The fact that your brother moved someone in without even informing you shows you how far this relationship has deteriorated. I agree that your brother owes you the courtesy of letting you know who is staying in the home you two share, so you can address any issues or concerns you both may have.
Unfortunately, you two own a home together. I said you two, not you, your brother, and his girl. She has 30 days to find a place or she needs some type of rental agreement before your brother ends up with a mess he has no idea how to get out of.
Tell her to get a P.O.Box. You and your brother need a sitdown alone and then, you, your brother, and the chick. Godfather rules apply here – never go against the family! 30 days, and then “Bye Felicia.”„
Married With Children
House of Capes,
You are your brothers keeper, but you aren’t the one sleeping with him at night. If he wants to be Captain Save a Ho, but the mortgage is on-time and the cable and the lights are still on, you kinda don’t have a say here.
It’s not your role to determine who he dates, sleeps with or wife’s, and who he chooses to take care of. Maybe he likes playing daddy.
Now, if bruh man in the basement wanna start running a trap house and turning tricks… well then you may need to take some other legal precautions and move, or somehow buy him out of the house.
Either way, be prepared that if you light the match, you might burn down the whole house. In other words, pick your battles. Blood is def thicker than water. This chick might be temporary, but that mortgage might be 30 years with interest.„