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Miss Good Genes


Let’s Go Half On A Baby

The Brainiacs_Good GenesDear Brainiacs,

How should I take it when my significant other/baby daddy told me that he “chose me to have a baby with because I have good genes”?

/Miss Good Genes

Meet The Brainiacs


The Brainiacs Responses

Dear Miss Good Genes,

Some intel – guys can be dickheads who say dickheadish shit sometimes. Your baby daddy sounds like a dickhead. Even if he was joking, deep down inside he wasn’t joking. It was a compliment in a dickhead way. So what should you do? Be a dickhead right back. I’m a firm believer of being Petty Wap. Here are some dickheaded replies you can hit him with:

It’s a good thing for you that the guy I wanted to have my baby with didn’t want to have kids.

If I thought this all the way through, I probably would have done things differently.

Once I learned to live life without regret, this became easier.

I wonder what it’s like to find your soulmate.

Petty shit like that. That’ll learn him.

/Roger F. Bond


Roger F. Bond

Miss Good Genes,

Was this fool joking? I mean, be happy with the fact you got pretty skin and hair and eyes and strong nails and good bone structure and maybe some other good features that made you attractive to him. 

It is a Neanderthal thing, right? Way back when, human nature was very primal – women wanted men that could provide and protect, and so the strongest warriors who could hunt buffalo and bring back meat were like, Hot Sh*t On (The) Cave. And women had to have child-bearing hips and breasts to feed all those babies she would bear. It was about creation and survival. Women needed the dude who could find and keep a shelter, and dudes needed the women who could keep their line going. 

Even as far back as when women weren’t working, you needed a man to help survive so either he better have had a farm he knew how to till so his woman could bear children to help with the labor, or moving into later times, he better make a ton of money and drive a nice car. 

Lesson being – fast forward – you can’t be mad at thots. They’re going after who will best secure their survival. Or at least the lifestyle they want. So if he’s gonna use you for your good genes, honey, you better be getting more than good D. I hope he’s at least the one you want. In the meantime, start making sure he’s doing his part and providing. 

/Le Reine

Le Reine

Good Genes!

I’m going to keep it brief and simple. Your baby daddy is a dummy for even sharing that with you. You’re a dummy for not vetting him thoroughly prior to taking his seed and allowing this level of stupidity to be passed to the next generation. And I will go as far as saying for a lack of a better selection, you and your baby daddy might be a perfect match for each other. 

/Captain Caveman

Captain Caveman

Hi Good Genes,

Are you sure he didn’t mean good jeans? [Editor’s Note: pretty sure he meant genes as in DNA and not jeans as in Levi’s, but can’t say we are 100% definitive. We weren’t there. Clearly.]

Best Regards,



Dear Ghostface Lova,

Wow. I’m sure he meant this as a compliment. And not just any compliment, the ultimate compliment. I mean, his very selective sperm was laying in wait to collide with your genetically superior material. Kinda like the magic bullet of sperm. Next level breeding. And I assume he has no other children, right? Right?! RIGHT?!? 

And he likely did his research before giving you the “good genes” stamp of approval. After all, you can’t tell if genes are truly “good” just by looking at a person. You’ve got to check the bloodline. I bet he was really engrossed in photo albums at Thanksgiving dinner? Yup, #research He’s also peeked at your Mom’s aging figure, Daddy’s hairline, Big Mama’s natural teeth and cousin’s nervous tick (exactly how long has that been going on?) to make an assessment. So what you have here is a conscientious research-driven geneticist in the making. Who needs a fertility specialist when you have this guy? 

Like I said, he meant it as a compliment. He’s just not much of a wordsmith. In fact, he probably thought he was being cute at the time.  This is what they call a teachable moment. He’s ‘gon’ learn today’ how to give you — the mother of his child – a real compliment. He’s your SO/BD so the conversation is needed before he says it again to you or anyone else, including your child when s/he matures. What he condensed into “good genes” was his gut-knowledge that you’re a good woman for him now and later; that you share a deep connection unlike any other; that you’re both ready to build a legacy together; that you’re smart, cool and fly enough for someone to call mom; that you know how to handle your shiz; that to him you’re magic. Or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic. Next time he hits you with some “good genes” mess, just tell him #useyourwords.




Dear Ghostface Lova,

I had an ex once tell me, well more than one guy tell me “pretty girls are trouble, all they cause is hassle” and that’s why he dated plain janes. Guys don’t know what they want, so they want everything. As you may know, guys also chat sh*t. Vicious circle. If you’re taking what your other half said as serious, you need to get a grip if he’s your ‘significant other.’

/Emilia Nardini

Emilia Nardini

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